We get asked this a lot, so let’s get right to it:
‘OI.. WHY ARE YOU CALLED BEARD?’ I hear the gentleman at the back of the room, in the red, with the ridiculous hair cut, ask. Let me tell you.
It begins in a far away exotic land called Scunthorpe where a young smooth talking man named Rob began to force little hairs out of the pores on his lower face. With all his might he pushed and he pushed until he sprouted a facial rug which was to become the envy of men from all around the land. But young Robert knew, with great power comes great responsibility and he vowed that from that day forward he would use is his new bushy powers for good and not evil.
After a long, Rocky style-barber shop featured-heavily sepia toned-slow motion-close up-wide angle lensed, montage… He tamed and styled himself all the way to the top.
He soon became the pied piper of aspiring face warmers and decided it was time to take on his first apprentice, barely stubbled, chilly faced, Ben Shortall. Over time Ben began to learn from Rob’s impressive follicle control and soon found himself learning to tame his unruly chin invaders until he was left with his own impressive chin wig. However Ben also wanted to develop his own identity and began to delicately craft an upper lip fuzz to rival Donatello. He excelled in his own field and strengthened Rob’s quest for greater skin cover.
Meanwhile, the trained to be untamed, facial fuzz famed David Webb found himself in a dimly lit house in Worcester becoming more and more sought after. Keen eyed Robert saw David becoming engulfed and offered a merging of their opposing styles. This new duality concept took the chin filler fans by storm soon becoming more than they could have ever dreamed of as solo upper neck gardeners.
This new duality concept burst open the flood gates to a more all-encompassing ethos and the path those little coarse hairs laid out soon began to blow clear to reveal pastures new. Soon Rob, Ben and Dave together took on the new clean shaven Ross Linton, who’s fresh face was no longer a thing that would make them lie awake at night in cold sweats, but a whole new refreshing look at how a face can be. Leading to their newest recruit, Rowena Davis, although a huge appreciator of her full follicled counterparts is completely unable to even squeeze out a 5 o’clock shadow. But this does not hold her back from fully integrating in their great spirit and bringing in her own hair raising ideas.
And that my friend is where the our story unfortunately comes to an end, but that doesn’t mean the myth and legend wont forever live on forever. That, good sir, is why we are called Beard.
It’s either that, or simply because we liked the name and people seemed to remember it. It’s up to you which version you prefer.